Be Cringe and Conquer: How Embracing Awkwardness Builds Confidence, Sets Boundaries & Unlocks Freedom
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(A Guide for Anyone Who’s Ever Cared Too Much About Looking Sane or normal LOL)
Ever felt like you’re too much? too loud, too quirky, too honest, too this, too that? Welcome to Immacity club. Society often tells us to tone it down, to fit into neat little boxes. But what if the very things we hide are the keys to our freedom?
There’s a version of me that talks way too loud, laughs at the wrong moment, says something that makes everyone in the group chat go quiet or say something stupid that no one can understand. That side? That’s my favorite version. Why? Because she’s free.
Let’s break it down. This is not a “motivational fluff” piece. This is science, scripture, real-life “why am I like this” vulnerability, and honest questions like:
What if people don’t like me?
Why do I feel like I always have to be “on”?
Why is it terrifying to say no?
Why am I trying so hard to look like I’ve got it all together?
What happens if I just stop pretending? (cause it’s a hard cycle to leave)
The Cringe Conspiracy: Why We're All Faking It (And Tired)
Let’s face it: “being normal” is just marketing. And we’ve all bought in.
“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
But we don’t accept ourselves. We perform. We show up as the polished version—clean, likable, calm, normal human being. Meanwhile, the real us is screaming, “Can I just be?”
Here’s what I learned (and I’m still learning): Freedom doesn’t come from fitting in. It comes from being fully seen—even when it’s awkward, messy, or misunderstood.
What If People Don’t Like Me?
They might not. But that’s not your problem.
“It is dangerous to be concerned with what others think of you, but if you trust the lord, you are safe” – Proverbs 29:25 (GNBUK)
Trying to be liked by everyone is like trying to catch the wind in a jar—it’s exhausting and impossible. But the fear is real. Rejection hurts. Dr. Naomi Eisenberger (2003) found in an fMRI study that social rejection activates the same part of the brain as physical pain. So yeah—it's not just in your head. But the fear of rejection can't run your life. I had to learn that when people walk away, it doesn’t mean I’m too much. It just means they’re not my assignment.
Why Do I Keep People-Pleasing Even When I Know It’s Bad for Me?
Because, it’s used to keep us safe. Psychologist Pete Walker (2013) describes “fawning” as a trauma response—when we shape-shift into what others need us to be, just to stay accepted or loved. We learned this young. Some of us learned that being quiet, helpful, agreeable kept the peace. But now we’re grown and still trying to earn space we already own and let’s not pretend I don’t still catch myself doing it. That polite voice, The fake smiling when I want to scream and my mouth hurts by the way, the “yeah, no problem!” when it’s absolutely a huge problem.
But awareness changes everything. Now, when I feel myself shrinking, I ask: ‘Am I being kind, or am I being small ?’
Why Saying No Feels So Hard (and How to Set Boundaries with Confidence)
Because deep down, we think it makes us a bad person. We’re conditioned to believe that “nice” means agreeable. That turning someone down is rude, selfish, or unloving. But that’s not truth—it’s programming. Research by Bohns & Flynn (2010) shows we dramatically underestimate how okay people actually are with hearing ‘no’. In other words, they’re not as devastated or disappointed as your anxiety tells you and still, we hesitate. Why? Because we’re afraid of being misunderstood. Labeled difficult. Seen as uncaring.
But here’s what Jesus said:
“Let your yes be yes and your no be no. Anything beyond this springs from a deceiver” – Matthew 5:37 (TPT). There’s no asterisk. No exception clause that says, “unless they might be disappointed.”
Your boundary isn’t rebellion—it’s responsibility.
And here’s the truth I had to face: Saying “yes” when your soul is screaming “no” doesn’t make you nice. It makes you resentful. Boundaries don’t push people away—they show them where love is safe. *Mic drop*
So the next time guilt creeps in, ask yourself: Is this kindness… or is this self-abandonment?
What “Being Cringe” Really Means—and Why It’s the Key to Mental Freedom
We’re not really afraid of being cringe—we’re afraid of being seen. Cringe is just the label we slap on anything that feels too raw, too weird, too silly, too human. But let’s be real: “cringe” is usually just code for “not perfectly curated.” And in a world obsessed with perfection, authenticity feels like rebellion. The fear is primal. Vulnerability = risk. And our nervous systems hate risk. We’ve been trained to believe that cool = controlled. That being poised and palatable keeps us safe, accepted, respected. But all that emotional Botox is draining.
As Dr. Brené Brown puts it:
“Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage”.
Cringe is the cost of being real. Of having opinions, feelings, passion, and personality. But here’s the freedom:
- What if the parts of you that feel awkward, different, or “too much” are actually where your purpose lives?
- What if the cringe moments are sacred, because they mean you stopped performing and started being?
Trying to avoid cringe is just trying to avoid being known. And you can’t be fully loved if you’re never fully seen.
So here’s your permission slip: Talk your talk. Be weird. Be passionate. Be imperfect. Be misunderstood. Because mental freedom isn’t found in control—it’s found in letting go.
The Exhaustion of Over-Control: Surrendering Perfectionism for peace
Oof. That one was for me. Control feels safe. If I say everything perfectly like the right words, wear the right outfit, never show weakness—I can protect myself from judgment, right?
Wrong!
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding” – Proverbs 3:5 (NKJV)
True power is found in surrender, not performance. And I’ve had to unlearn the idea that I am only worthy when I am impressive. Freedom came when I heard these words :
“Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant”
To me that verse meant if I cared so much about human approval, I wouldn’t be where I want to be or who I want to be or do what I want to do. Now, what does it mean to you?
How to Align With What’s for You (Without Chasing What Isn’t)
Here’s the shift: stop begging for what isn’t yours. Start building where you’re planted. Everything good takes time. Even becoming you. You don’t have to rush to prove yourself. You don’t need more followers, more hustle, more filters.You need more stillness. More silence. More truth-telling in your own voice—even when that voice cracks.
Me, Messy and Free
I’ve been the version of me that was always “on.” And I’ve been the one who showed up dry-mouthed, awkward, too loud, in mismatched clothes, and said exactly the wrong thing and the list goes on. But weirdly? That version—the “cringe” one, the “vulnerable” one? That’s the one that felt ok even if it comes out not perfect. It said what needed to be said, it did what needed to be done and she was free.
Cringe is not your enemy. It’s your access point to freedom and courage. It’s a signal that you’re finally showing up as you, not your representative.
Conclusion: Be Cringe Anyway
People will misunderstand you. You’ll mess up your words, not everyone is going to see your beauty. You’ll be too much, say too much. And you’ll still be loved. Still be valuable. Still be chosen. Still be free. Still be you.
So be bold. Be weird. Be cringe and conquer. Because on the other side of that moment is your real self.
And trust me—that version of you is unstoppable.
Still Healing Your Inner Cringe?
Let these books sit with you like a good friend who tells the truth. For the people-pleaser. The perfectionist. The one who’s tired of shrinking and can’t seem the break the cycle.
Read these next:
Steal Like an Artist by Austin Kleon
For when you’re scared to be original or imperfect.Show Your Work by Austin Kleon
For when hiding feels safer—but your soul is ready to be seen.The War of Art by Steven Pressfield
For when fear, overthinking, and performance are keeping you stuck.I Believe So I Speak by Immaculata
To help us all reclaim power through our thoughts, words, and alignment with what God already says about us including your self worth.
